Cone Man's epic journey through time and space ...

Cone Man was attending a Cousin Gathering of his tribe in the Land of the Cantabrians. Cone Man's ancestral links to the area stemmed from his maternal grandparents. Cone Man also had another connection to the Mighty South through his father, who had been born in the Land of the Cargillians, so far south that it even south of the fabled music capital of Gore, notable for being the All Black Tribe's answer to Nashville in the Land of the Stars and Stripes Tribe.

Cone Man had missed yet another land canoe, but keeping his manly calm, he was able to catch the next land canoe, the rail canoe after that, and another land canoe after that. He arrived at the sky port with five minutes to spare before boarding the sky canoe to the Land of the Cantabrians.

"Too close for comfort" Cone Man cone-sidered, but he was on his epic way, and settled back in his seat to endure the flight. The flight began at 10.05am and lasted one hour, and although he knew that the sky canoe was travelling at 300 kilometres an hour, the time seemed to drag.

Drugged by the devious Dragging Time Monster, Cone Man's mind duly drifted away to dwell in other dimensions as he cone-templated his pace through space. The land canoe in which he sat was travelling 300 kilometres per hour. According the crazed Astro-Wizards, the planet over which it flew travelled 106,000 kilometres per hour while orbiting the Sun. The solar system revolving round the Sun travelled at 882,000 kilometres per hour through the Milky Way Galaxy. Ultimately, the Milky Way Galaxy travelled through the Universe at 2.1 million kilometres per …

"Screech!" Cone Man's cosmic cone-templation was abruptly brought back to Earth by the contact of the land canoe's wheels with the tarmac on the landing strip at the sky port of the Land of the Cantabrians. Cone Man had traversed 2.1 million kilometres while travelling to the Land of the Cantabrians!

Walking into the terminal of the sky port, Cone Man reflected on the paradox of his situation - he simultaneously knew exactly where he was on the face of the Earth, and yet had scientific evidence confirming that he and over 7 billion human beings were incapable of comprehending from one hundredth of a millisecond the next one hundredth of a millisecond where they were. Divided into distinct and often warring tribes, humanity nevertheless careened through space on the same space ship, breathing air from the same life support system, while arguing over the transfer of individuals from compartment of the spaceship to another. Cone Man's mind reeled as he looked for a way out of the sky port ...